In short: loving-kindness traditionally starts with yourself, because, as the Buddha said, "one finds no one dearer than oneself. Likewise for others, each holds themselves dear; so one who desires self-knowledge would harm no other" (Ud 5.1). Kindness to yourself isn't selfish; it's the ground for kindness to everyone.
Two verses on caring for yourself
"Having explored every quarter with the mind, one finds no one dearer than oneself. Likewise for others, each holds themselves dear; so one who desires self-knowledge would harm no other."
Ud 5.1 · More: no one dearer than oneself.
"If you knew your self as beloved, you'd look after it so well."
Dhammapada 157 · More: real Buddha quotes on self-love.
Read the full guide
A 5-minute self-metta practice
- Settle. Hand on your chest if it helps. Three slow breaths.
- Recall a moment of being cared for, by anyone. Let the warmth be there.
- Turn it toward yourself, slowly: "May I be well. May I be at ease. May I be kind to myself. May I be free from suffering."
- If it feels awkward, picture yourself as a child, and say the words to that child.
- Widen: "And may others be well too."
When it's hard
Many people find self-kindness harder than kindness to others. That's normal. Keep the words simple, don't wait to feel something, and come back tomorrow. If self-criticism is heavy and constant, talking to a counsellor can help.
Try it
The full practice for everyone: metta meditation · A 3-minute Kindness practice: Practice.
Questions people ask
Is it selfish to send loving-kindness to yourself?
No. The Buddha taught that 'one finds no one dearer than oneself', and that knowing this leads to kindness to others: 'one who desires self-knowledge would harm no other' (Ud 5.1). Self-kindness is the ground for kindness to everyone.