In short: the Buddha's chapter on the self opens with care: "If you knew your self as beloved, you'd look after it so well" (Dhammapada 157). Rightly understood, loving yourself leads to kindness: since everyone holds themselves dear, "one who desires self-knowledge would harm no other" (Ud 5.1). The popular "you yourself deserve your love and affection" line, though, is not his. Here are seven genuine quotes, each with its source.
1. Dhammapada 157
"If you knew your self as beloved, you'd look after it so well."
The Dhammapada's chapter on the self begins with care, not criticism.
2. Ud 5.1
"Having explored every quarter with the mind, one finds no one dearer than oneself. Likewise for others, each holds themselves dear; so one who desires self-knowledge would harm no other."
Self-love that leads to kindness.
3. Dhammapada 160
"One is indeed the lord of oneself, for who else would be one's lord? By means of a well-tamed self, one gains a lord that's rare indeed."
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4. Dhammapada 159
"If one were to treat oneself as one instructs another, the well-tamed indeed would tame: for the self, it seems, is hard to tame."
Give yourself the advice you'd give a friend.
5. Dhammapada 166
"Never neglect what is good for yourself for the sake of another, however great. Knowing well what is good for yourself, be intent upon your heart's goal."
Looking after your own practice isn't selfish.
Dhammapada 166
6. Dhammapada 165
"For it is by oneself that evil's done, one is corrupted by oneself. It's by oneself that evil's not done, one is purified by oneself."
7. DN 16
"So Ānanda, live as your own island, your own refuge, with no other refuge."
All quotes are from the early Buddhist texts in Bhikkhu Sujato's translation on SuttaCentral, copied exactly. Last checked: 17 October 2026.
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Questions people ask
Did the Buddha say 'you yourself deserve your love and affection'?
No, that line isn't in the early texts. The real teaching is Dhammapada 157: 'If you knew your self as beloved, you'd look after it so well', and Ud 5.1: 'one finds no one dearer than oneself'.