In short: in AN 5.161 the Buddha gives five ways to get rid of resentment toward anyone: develop love, compassion or equanimity toward them, stop paying attention to them, or reflect that they are the owner and heir of their own deeds.
Holding a grudge against someone? The Buddha gave five ways to "completely get rid of resentment when it has arisen toward anyone". Try them in order, or pick the one that fits.
The five ways
- Love: "develop love for an individual you resent."
- Compassion: see that they too suffer.
- Equanimity: let the heart rest balanced.
- Disregard: "paying no attention to them": stop feeding the story.
- Ownership of deeds: "This venerable is the owner of their deeds and heir to their deeds." Their actions are theirs to inherit, not yours to carry.
See the Buddha's advice on anger and the four Brahmavihāras.
Make a teaching card for an angry day →
Read the full guide
The full text in Pāli and English
Translation by Bhikkhu Sujato, from SuttaCentral (AN5.161). Ellipses (…) are abbreviations in the original. Notes are ANEW's.
| Pāli | English |
|---|---|
| “Pañcime, bhikkhave, āghātapaṭivinayā yattha bhikkhuno uppanno āghāto sabbaso paṭivinetabbo. | “Mendicants, a mendicant should use these five ways to completely get rid of resentment when it has arisen toward anyone. |
| Katame pañca? | What five? |
| Yasmiṁ, bhikkhave, puggale āghāto jāyetha, mettā tasmiṁ puggale bhāvetabbā; | You should develop love for an individual you resent. |
| evaṁ tasmiṁ puggale āghāto paṭivinetabbo. | That’s how to get rid of resentment for that individual. |
| Yasmiṁ, bhikkhave, puggale āghāto jāyetha, karuṇā tasmiṁ puggale bhāvetabbā; | You should develop compassion for an individual you resent. … |
| evaṁ tasmiṁ puggale āghāto paṭivinetabbo. | |
| Yasmiṁ, bhikkhave, puggale āghāto jāyetha, upekkhā tasmiṁ puggale bhāvetabbā; | You should develop equanimity for an individual you resent. … |
| evaṁ tasmiṁ puggale āghāto paṭivinetabbo. | |
| Yasmiṁ, bhikkhave, puggale āghāto jāyetha, asatiamanasikāro tasmiṁ puggale āpajjitabbo; | You should disregard an individual you resent, paying no attention to them. … |
| evaṁ tasmiṁ puggale āghāto paṭivinetabbo. | |
| Yasmiṁ, bhikkhave, puggale āghāto jāyetha, kammassakatā tasmiṁ puggale adhiṭṭhātabbā: | You should focus on the ownership of deeds regarding that individual: |
| ‘kammassako ayamāyasmā kammadāyādo kammayoni kammabandhu kammapaṭisaraṇo, | ‘This venerable is the owner of their deeds and heir to their deeds. Deeds are their womb, their relative, and their refuge. |
| yaṁ kammaṁ karissati kalyāṇaṁ vā pāpakaṁ vā tassa dāyādo bhavissatī’ti; | They shall be the heir of whatever deeds they do, whether good or bad.’ |
| evaṁ tasmiṁ puggale āghāto paṭivinetabbo. | That’s how to get rid of resentment for that individual. |
| Ime kho, bhikkhave, pañca āghātapaṭivinayā, yattha bhikkhuno uppanno āghāto sabbaso paṭivinetabbo”ti. | A mendicant should use these five ways to completely get rid of resentment when it has arisen toward anyone.” |
| Paṭhamaṁ. |
A sobering reminder: what anger does to you.
More: forgiveness in Buddhism.
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Questions people ask
How do you let go of resentment in Buddhism?
AN 5.161 gives five ways: develop love, compassion or equanimity toward the person, disregard them, or reflect that they are the owner and heir of their own deeds.