In short: Anger feels like strength in the moment and like regret afterwards. The Buddha talked about it often, and practically. Here is his advice, in his own words, and a simple way to use it the next time anger rises.
Quotes are from SuttaCentral, translated by Bhikkhu Sujato. The practice steps are ANEW's.
The insult he did not accept
A man known as Bhāradvāja the Rude was furious that a relative had become a monk, so he went to the Buddha and abused him with harsh words. The Buddha asked him a question: when you serve food to guests and they don't accept it, whose is it? "In that case it still belongs to me," the man said.
In the same way, brahmin, when you abuse, harass, and attack us who do not abuse, harass, and attack, we don't accept it. It still belongs to you, brahmin, it still belongs to you!
An insult is an offer. You do not have to take it.
Read the full guide
The battle hard to win
When you get angry at an angry person you just make things worse for yourself. When you don't get angry at an angry person you win a battle hard to win.
When you know that the other is angry, you act for the good of both yourself and the other if you're mindful and stay calm.
Defeat anger with kindness
Defeat anger with kindness, villainy with virtue, stinginess with giving, and lies with truth.
For never is hatred laid to rest by hate, it's laid to rest by love: this is an ancient teaching.
A 4-step practice for the moment anger arises
- Name it. Silently: "Anger is here." Naming it puts a little space between you and it.
- Feel it in the body. Hot face, tight jaw, fast heart. Take three slow breaths, longer out than in.
- Don't accept the offer. Remember the story: the insult still belongs to the one who offered it. You can decide not to take it.
- Answer later, with kindness. If a reply is needed, give it when you are calm. Ask: is it true, is it kind, is it needed? (That is right speech.)
Prevent it: practice love daily
Anger is easier to meet with a heart already trained in kindness. A few minutes of metta meditation a day, including for difficult people, makes the next angry moment smaller. See also the four Brahmavihāras, and karma: every patient reply makes patience easier next time.
Read the whole chapter on anger: Dhammapada chapter 17.
The strongest teaching on patience: the Simile of the Saw.
Make a teaching card for a angry day →
Holding a grudge? Five ways to let go of resentment.
Try it
Take a 1-minute breath right now, or the kindness practice tonight. If anger is causing serious harm in your life, please also talk to a professional.
Questions people ask
What did the Buddha say about anger?
Among other things: 'When you get angry at an angry person you just make things worse for yourself. When you don't get angry at an angry person you win a battle hard to win' (SN 7.2), and 'Defeat anger with kindness' (Dhp 223).
What is the Buddhist story about not accepting an insult?
A man insulted the Buddha. The Buddha asked: if you offer guests food and they don't accept it, whose is it? 'Mine,' said the man. 'In the same way,' the Buddha said, 'we don't accept your abuse. It still belongs to you.' (SN 7.2)
Does Buddhism say you should never feel angry?
Anger arises in everyone. The teaching is about not feeding it and not acting it out, and about meeting it with mindfulness and loving-kindness until it cools.