In short: the Buddha treated forgiveness as wisdom, not weakness. In AN 2.21 he says: "Mendicants, there are two fools. What two? One who doesn't recognize when they've made a mistake. And one who doesn't properly accept the confession of someone who's made a mistake." The wise are the opposite: they admit their own mistakes and properly accept other people's apologies. Forgiving means letting go of hatred; it doesn't mean accepting ongoing harm.
Two fools and two wise people
"Mendicants, there are two fools. What two? One who doesn't recognize when they've made a mistake. And one who doesn't properly accept the confession of someone who's made a mistake." "These are the two fools. There are two who are astute. What two? One who recognizes when they've made a mistake. And one who properly accepts the confession of someone who's made a mistake."
AN 2.21
Notice that forgiveness has two sides. It takes courage to say "I was wrong", and generosity to say "I accept that". The Buddha counts both as wisdom.
Read the full guide
How to accept an apology well
- Listen fully before answering. Let the other person finish.
- Acknowledge it plainly: "Thank you for saying that. I accept it."
- Don't reopen it later as a weapon. Accepted means put down.
- Agree on what's next if the mistake could happen again. Forgiveness and clear boundaries go together.
Forgiving yourself
The first wise person "recognizes when they've made a mistake". Recognizing is different from punishing yourself. See the mistake clearly, make amends where you can, resolve to do better, and then let it go. Endless self-blame is just another kind of clinging. (See the Buddha's mirror advice to his son: reflect before, during and after you act.)
A 5-minute forgiveness practice
- Settle. Three slow breaths.
- Asking. Recall a time you hurt someone. Silently: "I'm sorry. I recognize my mistake. May you be at ease."
- Offering. Recall someone who hurt you, only as much as feels safe. "I let go of this hatred, for my own peace. May you be well."
- Yourself. "I made mistakes. I'm learning. May I be at ease."
- Rest. Breathe for a minute without holding anything.
Forgiving doesn't mean staying in a harmful situation. If you are being harmed, protecting yourself comes first.
Try it
For a stubborn grudge, try the Buddha's five ways to let go of resentment. For a daily kindness practice, open Practice.
Questions people ask
Does Buddhism teach forgiveness?
Yes. In AN 2.21 the Buddha calls it foolish not to 'properly accept the confession of someone who's made a mistake', and wise to accept it. Forgiveness also follows from his teachings on letting go of resentment (AN 5.161) and on loving-kindness.
Do I have to forgive someone who keeps hurting me?
Forgiving means letting go of hatred, not staying in harm's way. You can release resentment and still set firm boundaries or leave a harmful situation.